Hey
Hey. What’s wrong?
Come quick, some losers wanna fight us
Oh, not again. I’ll go get my gun, OK

You must be loco to mess with us
Don’t you know we’re dangerous?
We’ll kill you. We’ll kill you

It’s on now, the fight’s beginning
One punch in and we’re already winning
Guy Number One, the ape-shit killer
After you’re dead I drink an ice cold Miller

Out on parole and I’m looking to score
I’m Guy Number Two, I’ll take your whore
AK’s, Uzis, nines and glocks
One pierced ear and ankle socks

If you see us on the street
You can bet we’re high
We wear sunglasses
For bloodshot eyes

Each jerk we kill, our hearts grows colder
I could shoot all day, doesn’t hurt my shoulder
I drive all the time, it’s no big deal
Open the door, and get behind the wheel

I only hang with felons, killers and thugs
You’re still a cunt Steve, go fuck your snake

You must be loco to mess with us
Don’t you know we’re dangerous?
We’ll kill you. We’ll kill you

Our thirst for blood is never enough
Is there a heaven for gangsters like us?
Hey Guy Number One?
Yeah, Guy Number Two?
I’m just doing me
I’m doing you too
I only date girls who have been around
I know what they like, I’ll go down town

We play dominoes, but call them bones
And wear cool hats, like Al Capone
Who cares about the pigs, we can pay the bail
You’re just a loser, you’d get raped in jail

We’re just two guys
Who have a death wish
Screw trial by twelve, we’ll be carried by six
Like bowm, bowm, bowm, bowm, bowm, bowm, bowm

You must be loco to mess with us
Don’t you know we’re dangerous?
We’ll kill you. We’ll kill you

Ain’t no such thing as half-way crooks
You’re scared of death, you’re scared to look, you’re shook

(John Waters)
Hi, I’m John Waters, and this is The Creep.

(Lonely Island)
When you’re out in the club and you see a fly girl
Do the Creep (hah)
Do the Creep (hah)
And if you wanna make friends at the ATM
Do the Creep (hoo)
Do the Creep (hah)

Well, we got a new dance so get up on your feet
It’s real easy to do, and it’s called ‘The Creep’
Let your hands flap around like a Marionette
Pop your knees up and down, sh-sh-shaking your neck

Now pull your waistband up like you expectin’ a flood
And slick your hair down flat like it was covered in mud
Trim up your pencil mustache and pop them peepers
Put this in your speakers; you a certified creeper.

When you see a country peach, laying out at the beach
Do the Creep (hah)
Do the Creep (hah)
And when a fine PYT walks in front of your tree
Do the Creep (hoo)
Do the Creep (hah)

I was six years old when I started creepin’
My parents took it to their room and I started peepin’
You can’t imagine their surprise when they lifted their heads
And saw my little ass creepin’ at the foot of the bed

Yeah they knew I was a creep, since the day I was born
Poppin’ out my momma like some kettle corn
Yeah the doctor caught my head and he started freakin’
‘Cause I came out clean — and I came out creepin’!

Nicki, Nicki,
Nicki, Nicki, Nicki
Nicki!

(Nicki)
When I was a girl, I creeped in the boys’ locker room
Hide deep inside it was my little creep stalker room
As they disrobed, I was oogling and oggling
Little did they know, that for me, they were modeling
And I would laugh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha, ha.
And they would dance, la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la.
So pop-pop-pop your peepers,
and tweak out your sneakers
Don’t sleep, come on get your Creep on with me!

(Lonely Island)
Go on, get to sweatin’ off a bride at her wedding
Do the Creep (hah)
And do the Creep (hah)

(Nicki)
And when you sneak into a wake, and you see a beefcake
Do the Creep (hoo)
And do the Creep (hah)

(Lonely Island)
And when the judge is a hottie and you can’t control your body
Do the Creep (hah)
Do the Creep (hah)

(Nicki)
So, get your knees flexin, and your arms T-rexin’

And Creep (hoo)
Do the Creep! (hah)

(John Waters)
And don’t forget to smile!

Intercom: Guys Michael Bolton is here
Andy: Oh great, send him in.
Michael: Hey guys
All: Hey thanks for coming.
Andy: How’s it goin’?
Michael: I’m really sorry I’m late I just got caught up watching the Pirates of the Caribbean marathon…have you seen those things?
All: Oh yeah, those are great.
Michael: Well I listened to your track and I loved it, and I wrote you this big, sexy hook I think you’re gonna really dig.
Andy: Oh wow, that’s great. You wanna just lay it down?
Michael: Boys lets get to it

(Andy)
Here we go
Uh, Lonely Island, Michael Bolton (Yeah!!)
The night starts now
On track
The boys are back
The night starts now
The night starts now, baby, roll with us
Chickies snappin’ at the neck when we rollin’ up (Rollin’up)
Club front doors ain’t no holdin’ up
Black card at the bar like I gives a fuck (Come on)

(Jorma)
It’s The Lonely Island
Welcome to the set
Some fellas lookin’ jealous
Play that back and get wet (YEAH!)
??? at my waist shank in my sock
You either get cut get stuffed or get shot

(Michael)
This is the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow
Pirate so brave on the seven seas (What?)
A mystical quest to the isle of Tortuga
Raven locks sway on the ocean breeze

(Akiva)
Yeah, that was kinda weird but we’re back in the club
Buyin’ out the bar so the groupies show us love (Keira Knightley)
A fifth of ice man, I’m the top gunna
Heater on blast I’m the number one stunner (Jack Sparrow!)

(Andy)
Watch your girl because I ain’t your mister nice guy
More like the meet ya take you home and fuck you twice guy
All dressed up with nowhere to run
I know I make you feel crazy when I—

(Michael)
Now back to the good part
One day he was born
He yearned for adventure (No!)
Oh Captain Jack (Yeah)
Givin them ..
He’s the pauper of the surf
The jester of Tortuga
But in Davy Jones locker
What lies in store? (Yeah, we’ve seen the movie)

(Andy)
Put your hands in the air
And say hell yeah

(Michael)
Captain Jack (Andy: What?)
Johnny Depp (Andy: No)

(Jorma)
From the front to the back
Saying we count stacks c’mon

(Michael)
Davy Jones (Jorma: Nope)
Giant squid (Jorma: Wrong)

(Akiva)
Michael Bolton, we’re really gonna need you to focus up

(Michael)
Roger that let me try it with another film (Wait)
Life is a box of chocolates and my name is Forrest Gump (Not better)
Though I’m not the sharpest tool in the shed
I give Jenny all my love (Come ON)
Okay, then I’m a legal aid
Erin Brockovich is my name (Oh god)
Then you can call me Scarface
Snortin’ mountains of cocaine (It doesn’t matter)

You cockroaches wanna play rough?
Okay, I’m reloaded! HA HA!
This is the tale of Tony Montana (This is the tale!)
Cool or flame with Miami ???
European wife, your coke is polluted
This whole town’s a pussy
Just waiting to get fucked
Just waiting to get fucked! (Okay it turns out Michael Bolton is a major cinephile)
You complete me (Yeah, yeah okay)